You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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