Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
