if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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