just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
