At least make sure they are 18
Why
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
