Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
