Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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