go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
