Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
