Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
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