Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
