First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just had sex on a roof
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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