cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
