Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Randomize
