just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
