don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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