omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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