you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
