I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
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Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
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I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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