I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
