No stitches, just platelets and will power
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
