There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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