my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
