When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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