Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
