I puked a lego.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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