also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
