bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
