so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I would ride that face into the sunset
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
