Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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