I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
