He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
