and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
