Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
