i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
