the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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