wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
