i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
