i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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