Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
it's like iHOP with fire
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
