like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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