She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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