Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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