Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
