I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
