wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Panties = found
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
