my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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