Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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