Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
