ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
