She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
