Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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