i barfeds in our rink
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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