Plan B is the new Plan A
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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