I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
