I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
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how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
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Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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