Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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