At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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