I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
