Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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