You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
