oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
