I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
