YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just high enough for therapy.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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