i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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