good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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