If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
