I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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