I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
